I'm Not Gay! (by Mr. Garrison)

*from the episode"4th Grade"*

Mr. Garrison: Hey! hurry up! Your takin too long in the damn tree of insides!
You in there? My god! Where the hell did she go?
Ah! Who are you?

Mr. Garrison's gay side: Me? I am your gay side.
Mr. Garrison: My gay side? I DON'T HAVE A GAY SIDE!
Gay side: You must face me!
Mr. Garrison: You ain't real. You can't be!
Gay side: It is me. Your gay self and denial of who you are. Who "we" are.
Mr. Garrison: But i'm not gay!
Gay side: OH STOP IT! What about the time you looked at
Kel Sermackey's penis in the men's locker room!
Mr. Garrison: I was just comparing size!
Gay side: FOR 7 MINUTES? Oh! And what about the time you masterbaited
off to the men's swimming team!
Mr. Garrison: I was beating off to the chicks!
Gay side: THERE WERE NO CHICKS!
Mr. Garrison: Oh damn you spirit! Haunt me no more!
Gay side: ADMIT IT!
Mr. Garrison: NO!!!
Gay side: ADMIT IT!
Mr. Garrison: Alright! Alright! I'm gay! I'm gay! You here that everyone?
I'm gay! And it... and it... and it feels good!