Breakfast, black coffee, one slice of dry toast

No butter, no jelly, no jam

Lunch, just some lettuce, two celery stalks

No booze, no potatoes, no ham.

Dinner, one chicken wing, broiled not fried

No gravy, no biscuits, no pie

And this dietin', dietin', dietin', dietin'

Sure is a rough way to die.

So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune

A glass of skim milk and that's all

Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial

It's drivin' me right up the wall.

And I'm thinkin' of french fries, sausage and waffles

Spaghetti and cookies and cake

And each night I'm dreamin' of chocolate ice cream.

And I'm starvin' to death when I wake.

--- Instrumental ---

Supper, two pieces of cauliflower, raw

Some beefsteak the size of a nail

One sliced tomato, a small dab of slaw

I swear I ate better in jail.

Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose

Girl that's the least you can do

Put down that candy bar while I'm singin'

I'm starvin' my pants off for you.

You're fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes

But it's bouillon and water for me

Hey, you got a lock on the refrigerator

Lord knows where you're hidin' the key.

While I'm starvin' for food late at night

I'm starvin' for lovin' from you

But you say that when I can see my own dick

You'll be glad to look at it too.

So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune

A glass of skim milk and that's all

You and Jane Fonda and old Richard Simmons

Are drivin' me right off the wall.

Now when I am dead with the insurance paid

You'll look down at me and you'll grin

You'll say, well the boy tried and he suffered and died

But don't he look good when he's thin? oh my.

And this dietin', dietin', dietin', dietin'

Sure is a rough way to die...