I was waiting in Rosie′s Restaurant

When the waiter came up and said, "What do you want?"

I looked at the menu and it looked so nice'Til he said, "Lemme give you some advice"

He said, "Spaghetti and potatoes got too much starch

Pork chops and sausage are bad for your heart

There′s hormones in chicken and beef and veal

Bowl of ravioli is a dead man's meal

Bread got preservatives, there's nitrites in ham

Artificial coloring in jellies and jam

Stay away from donuts, run away from pie

Pepperoni pizza is a sure way to die

Sugar rots your teeth and makes you put on weight

But artificial sweetener′s got cyclamates

Eggs got cholesterol, there′s fat in cheese

Coffee ruins your kidneys and so does tea

Fish got mercury, red meat is poison

Salt's gonna send your blood pressure rising

Hot dogs and bologna got deadly red dyes

Vegetables and fruits are sprayed with pesticides"

(They′re bad for you, that's you all)

(You are what you eat)

So I said, "What can I eat that′s gonna make me last?"

He said, "A small drink of water in a sterilized glass"

And then he stopped, and he thought for a minute

And said, "Never mind the water, there's carcinogenics in it"

So I got up from the table and walked out in the street

Realizing there was nothing I could eat

I ain′t eaten for a month and I'm feeling fine

'Cause he did not mention beer, or whiskey, or women, and sweet red wine