You Can Call Me Al

A man walks down the street
He says, "Why am I soft in the middle, now?"
Why am I soft in the middle, now?The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don′t want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard

Bonedigger, Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away in my well-lit door
Mr. Beer-belly, Beer-belly
Get these mutts away from me
You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

If you′ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al

A man walks down the street
He says, "Why am I short of attention?"
Got a short little span of attention
And, whoa, my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family?
What if I die here?
Who'll be my role model
Now that my role model is gone, gone?

He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along, along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations

If you′ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al

If you′ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al, you can call me Al

You can call me Al
You can call me Al