The M Who Came To Dinner

Man (standing near a doorway): I've invited a friend over to have a little dinner.

(A capital M enters and gazes into the room. We see a long table loaded with all kinds of food and drink.)

M: Mmm! Mmmmmm, mmmmmm!

Man: Go ahead. Dig right in. Make yourself at home.

M (who is already on the table): Mmmm, marvelous! Mmmm, meat! (Gulps down the whole slab and drinks a full glass of wine.) Mmmm, marshmallows! (Tosses them down, one after the other.) Mmmm, munch! (Eats up something I never could identify.) Mmmmmmm! Mmmm, mmmmm! Magnificent!

(Man is staring openmouthed as M devours one thing after another.)

M: Mmmmm, milk! (Downs a whole glassful.) Mmmmm, melon! (Gobbles it up and keeps noshing down until every dish is empty.) Mmmmm, mmmm, mmmmm!

Man: I say, you're just about the greediest, rudest letter I ever saw! You ate up everything!

M: Mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmmmmm! (Hops down from table.)

Man: I'm telling you, never invite an M over to your house for dinner! (M rubs against his ankles, but he walks offscreen.) No, don't try to make up with me. Next time, I'll invite a ... a J, or a polite Q. But not another M! (M starts munching until nothing is left on the screen, leaving it dark.)