Much Too Skinny For The Army

[Spoken Intro]

Joining today's modern defence force is hard enough,

First you have to chose:

Navy, Airforce, Army,

Kiss Army, Salvation Army, Army of Darkness.

But even once you've chosen,

You have to make the grade.

I'm way too skinny for the army,

Way too slender for the job.

What can I do if my country doesn't want me

'Cos my talents only stretch to mini-golf?

I'm way too unco for the army,

All that running through car tyres.

I guess that would come in handy

If you invaded a country whose terrain was all car tyres.

But I'm skinny and I'm clever,

Maybe now more than ever,

The technology has caught up with me.

If wars have gone all electronic,

I could fight them with my jostick,

As long as they bring pizza to me.

Then I could be in the army.

It's not tricky to imagine,

Me in a bunker, at a screen.

Controlling reconnaissance robots,

Maybe mine detecting robots,

Even robots who run through tyres.

But I'm skinny and I'm clever,

Maybe now more than ever,

The technology has caught up with me.

If wars have gone all electronic,

I could fight them with my jostick,

While watching McLeod's Daughters on T.V.

Then I could be in the army...

I was never good at Packman,

But at Defender I'd light up the sky.

I was never good at Frogger,

It's much too much like hopping over tyres.

And if I don't get in the army,

I could become an evil mastermind.

Live in an underwater tower,

And wearing shiny skivvies all the time,

That would be fine...

I'm skinny and I'm clever,

Maybe now more than ever,

The technology has caught up with me.

(If I could make up my mind..) If wars have gone all electronic,

I could fight them with my jostick,

As long as they bring pizza to me.

Then I could be in the army.