Appraise The Lord

Twas praying to the heavens just the other night

When in thru the door walked Jesus Christ

He showed me proof, he had nail holes in his hands

And thirty nine scars on his unclothed back

So I decided to profit off this 'Christ'

If Falwell can do it, then why can't I?

I went to the man to get him appraised

And he just laughed into my face

He said "There's not much value in God these days"

There's not much value in G-O-D

I tried the museum but the answer was the same

Here I was stuck with a God I couldn't even give away

It turned out my 'Christ' wasn't even worth a cent

I ended up ditching the guy on some church's step

I went to the man to get him appraised...

That was a while ago and I haven't seen him since

But when I do, I'm gonna thank him for making me rich

Meanwhile, I stack the coins on my money stuffed bed

I couldn't sell Jesus, so I sold the story to the 'National Enquirer' instead

I went to the man to get him appraised...