I′m a shitty golfer, you can ask my wife

I've been out there hacking every day of my life

I got the shorts and all the plaid sweatersAnd new taylormade driver didn′t make me any better

Man, I hit 'em fast and I hit 'em thin

I roll ′em in the bunker′s man, I hit 'em again

Slice ′em in the bushes, crank 'em in a creek

I popped that sucker up and hooked it out in the street

Yeah, I′m two 45 right down the middle

And I'll miss the green, to the left just a little

Chili dip a wedge, and put it all together

Hit that son of a bitch right up there in the leather

If you call that good, and let me press on the side

You can put me down for a fight

Hey, I′m a shitty golfer, most of us are

But we carry our clubs in the back of our cars

What else you gonna do? When you're out of town

And you need to waste a whole day and shoot another round

Man, I played Augusta, and I played Pebble Beach

And one time at Sawgrass I shot 83

If I live long enough to be 88

I think I'll celebrate it by shooting my age

Yeah, I′m two 45 right down the middle

And I′ll miss the green, to the left just a little

Chili dip a wedge, and put it all together

Hit that son of a bitch right up there in the leather

And if you call that good, and let me press on the side

You can put me down for a fight, oh yeah

You can put me down for a fight