You don′t wanna go on late night drives alone on a mission

I'm playing story telling beats until I start reminiscing

About the days on the estate as a boy with a visionBumping get rich or die trying with a bad premonition

Mums busy in the kitchen chopping, weighing and wrapping

Serving the knocking fiends and no I ain′t capping

Money weren't an issue back then when the nine bars were snapping

Cash stuffed behind the skirting board, yea that was our safe

When the cops come searching, that'd be the last place

Tax free cash on benefits, yea that′s Fairfield estate

To be honest I wouldn′t wanna grow up in any other place

Cos that gave a story to tell and a big dream to chase

But it also gave me a neutral look on my face

And as I got older there weren't no more reason to smile

Mums gone clear and we ain′t seen any cash for a while

Working two shitty jobs with birthdays coming up soon

And I'm used to getting spoilt and fed with a silver spoon

But now that′s all gone cos there's no money just debt

The bailiff comes knocking twice a week tryna collect

Turn off the lights, shut the curtains and don′t answer it

Her jobs just weren't paying she had no money to give

Pretend nobody's home cos we′re in deep shit

It was all good yesterday until The leccy meter tripped

To buy us some more time we′d hit the emergency switch

It won't last long and we can′t top up the stick

And I know most my family are going through the same shit

All these years later I still feel effects from it

Financially I'm stable but mentally not so much

I don′t want a solitary life, I wanna follow my instincts

But lately I've been getting so materialistic

But that′s not how I saw myself, this isn't how I wanna be

No one to look up to so I looked at my self

Spent hours the mirror dealing with the cards I'm dealt

I don′t feel good enough after the things that I felt

And things I heard, I′ve stayed silent my whole life

Cos I'm scared of my words

Yea I′m scared of my words

Through them you hear my issues, that's why I feel unworthy

The worlds a massive mess and I′m closing in on my thirty's

And all this social media got these good girls acting thirsty

Any lad can show interest and they′re thinking that's he's worthy

My trust is all gone from a bad do with my ex

Now I′m all alone, I′m so down and depressed

I've only got bad memories no happy thoughts left

Everybody chats shit, their full of false promises

And I thought I was done with love but I just tried it again

My heart just ain′t with it, I have to pretend

And it sucks me dry me mentally, I need to defend

Against these demons fucking talking to me when the day ends

To be honest i've had enough, it′s just too fucking draining

I'm happy stuck inside, my excuse is it′s raining

You said it'll take time for me to feel ok

But it's not that fuckin′ simple, spend a day in my brain

The sun can be shining, i′m just waiting for rain

I'm having a good day, I know it ends with pain

I get all defensive, fuck, I feel useless

I haven′t got what you need, I give too many excuses

I can't live in the moment, i′m too focused on the future

Having a healthy mind is something that i'm not used too

Persistent overthinking, i′m struggling to sleep

Studying phycology, what the fucks wrong with me

I've got control now, but I relate to every illness

I need to get it off my chest, really I need to spill this

But it would take forever, to find how deep this pain sits

I should tell a doctor, but it seems so fucking aimless

Cos I don't want no pills to make me feel pretentious

I′ll never feel normal, this pain it feels endless

Even if I did find a pill to fight against this

It′ll probably be to late, I'll be 6 feet deep and painless