-Riff-

Dear kindly Seargant Krupke

Ya gotta understand

It's just our bringin' up-ke

That gets us outta hand

Our mothers all're junkies

Our fathers all're drunks

Golly moses, naturally we're punks

-All-

Gee, Officer Krupke

We're very upset

We never had the love that every child oughta get

We ain't no delinquents

We're misunderstood

Deep down inside us there is good

-Riff-

There is good!

-All-

There is good

There is good

There is untapped good

Like inside the worst of us is good

-"Krupke"-

That's a touchin', good story!

-Riff-

Lemme tell it to the world!

-"Krupke"-

Just tell it to da judge!

-Riff-

Dear kindly Judge Your Honor,

My parents treat me rough

With all the marijuana,

They won't give me a puff!

They didn't wanna have me,

But somehow I was had

Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad!

-Judge-

Right! Officer Krupke, you're really a square!

This boy don't need a judge

He needs an analyst scare!

It's just his neurosis

That oughta be curbed

He's psychologically DISTURBED!

-Riff-

I'm disturbed!

-All-

We're disturbed

We're disturbed

We're the most disturbed

Like we're psychologically disturbed!

-Judge-

Hear ye, hear ye

In the opinion of this court,

This child is depraved

On account he ain't had a normal home.

-Riff-

Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm DEPRIVED!

-Judge-

*Hits Riff*

So take him to a head shrinker

You!

-Action-

Who, me?

-Riff-

My daddy beats my mommy

My mommy clobbers me

My grandpa is a commie

My grandma pushes tea

My sister wears a mustache

My brother wears a dress

Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

-Head Shrin