I was takin′ a trip out to L.A.

Toolin' along in my Cheverolet

Tokin′ on a number and diggin' on the radio

Just as I crossed the Mississippi line

I heard that highway start to whine

And I knew that left rear tire was about to blow

Well the spare was flat and I got uptight

'Cause there wasn′t a filling station in sight

So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim

I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car

It was right in front of this little bar

Kind of a red-neck lookin′ joint called the "Dew Drop Inn"

Well I stuffed my hair up under my hat

And told the bartender that I had a flat

And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one

Well there was one thing I was sure proud to see

There wasn't a soul in the place except for him and me

And he just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone

I called up the station down the road a ways

And he said he wasn′t very busy today

And he could have somone out there in just about ten minutes or so

He said, "Now, you just stay right where yer at!"

And I didn't bother to tell the darn fool

That I sure as hell didn′t have anyplace else to go

I just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar

When some guy walked in and said, "Who owns this car

With the peace sign, the mag wheels and four on the floor?"

Well he looked at me and I damn near died

And I decided that I'd just wait outside

So I laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door

Just when I thought I′d get outta there with my skin

These five big dudes come strollin' in

With one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth

And I was almost to the door when the biggest one

Said, "You tip your hat to this lady, son"

And when I did all that, hair fell out from underneath

Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight

In Jackson, Mississippi on a Saturday night

Especially when there was three of them and only one of me

They all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick

And I knew I better think of something pretty quick

So I just reached out and kicked old green teeth right in the knee

Now he let out a yell that′d curl yer hair

But before he could move, I grabbed me a chair

And said, "Watch him folks ′cause he's a thoroughly dangerous man!"

"Well you may not know it but this man is a spy

He′s a undercover agent for the FBI

And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan!"

He was still bent over holdin′ on to his knee

But everybody else was looking and listening to me

And I laid it on thicker and heavier as I went

I said, "Would you believe this man has gone as far

As tearing Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars

And he voted for George McGovern for President"

"But he's a friend of them long haired, hippy-type, pinko fags!

I betchya he′s even got a commie flag

Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage"

"He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys

He may look dumb but that's just a disguise

He′s a mastermind in the ways of espionage"

They all started lookin′ real suspicious at him

He jumped up and said, "Now just wait a minute Jim!

You know he's lying, I been living here all of my life!"

"I′m a faithful follower of Brother John Birch

And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church

And I ain't even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife!"

Then he started saying somethin′ 'bout the way I was dressed

But I didn′t wait around to hear the rest

I was too busy moving and hoping I didn't run outta luck

When I hit the ground, I was making tracks

And they were just taking my car down off the jacks

So I threw the man a 20 and jumped in and fired that mother up

Mario Andretti would'a sure been proud

Of the way I was movin′ when I passed that crowd

Coming out the door and headed toward me at a trot

Now I guess I should have gone ahead and run

But somehow I just couldn′t resist the fun

Of chasing them all just once around the parking lot

Well they headed for their car, but I hit the gas

And spun around and headed them off at the pass

I was slingin' gravel and puttin′ a ton of dust in the air

I had them all out there steppin' and fetchin′

Like their heads was on fire and their asses was catchin'

But I figured I had better go

And split before the cops got there

When I hit the road, I was really wheelin′

Had gravel flyin' and rubber squeelin'

And I didn′t slow down ′til I was almost to Arkansas

Well I think I'm gonna reroute my trip

I wonder if anybody′d think I'd flipped

If I went to L.A., via Omaha