Took a shower this morning

There was hot water left!

I think it's gonna be a great day

There was brand new bar of soap in there

Not just a little chicklet

I think it's gonna be a great day

My kid got suspended...

Not arrested!

I think it's gonna be a great day

Ran out of toilet paper

But there's plenty of coffee filters

I think it's gonna be a great day

My rent is late

But my wife isn't!

I think it's gonna be a great day

My wife's a schizophrenic

I finally had a threesome!!

I think it's gonna be a great day

Went to the supermarket

The person in front of me had American money

I think it's gonna be a great day

I was in the frozen food isle

There was a woman in there with no bra on

I think it's gonna be a great day

Had to call a plumber...

His shirt was all tucked in in the back!

I think it's gonna be a great day

Saw an athlete talking on television

I understood him!!

I think it's gonna be a great day

My car was stolen

Ha! Ha! Has no brakes!

I think it's gonna be a great day

My wife's not talking to me

Waaa-waaa-waaa

I think it's gonna be a great day!!