A pool table, don′t you understand?

Friend, either you're closing your eyes

To a situation you do not wish to acknowledgeOr you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated

By the presence of a pool table in your community

Well, ya got trouble my friend, right here

I say, trouble right in River City, why sure, I′m a billiard player

Certainly, mighty proud I say, I'm always mighty proud to say it

I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden

Help you cultivate horse sense and a cool head and a keen eye

Did you ever take and try to find and iron-clad leave for yourself

From a three-rail billiard shot?

But just as I say

It takes judgement, brains and maturity to score

In a balkline game, I say that any boob

Can take and shove a ball in a pocket

And I call that sloth the first big step on the road

To the depths of deg-ra-day

I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon

Then beer from a bottle

And the next thing you know

Your son is playing for money in a pinch-back suit

And listenin' to some big outta town jasper

Hearin′ him tell about horse race gamblin′

Not a wholesome trottin' race, no

But a race where they set down right on the horse

Like to see some stuck-up jockey boy

Settin′ on Dan Patch? Make your blood boil

Well I should say

Now friends, let me tell you what I mean

You got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table

Pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a bum

With a capital "B" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool

And all week long your River City youth'll be fritterin′ away

I say, your young men will be fritterin'

Fritterin′ away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too

Get the ball in the pocket, never mind gettin' dandelions pulled

Or the screen door patched or the beef steak pounded

Never mind pumpin' any water

′Til your parents are caught with the cistern empty

On a Saturday night and that′s trouble

Yes you got lots and lots of trouble

I'm thinkin′ of the kids in the knickerbockers

Shirt-tail young ones, peekin' in the pool hall window after school

You got trouble, folks

Right here in River City, trouble with a capital "T"

And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool

Now I know all you folks are the right kind of parents

I′m gonna be perfectly frank

Would you like to know what kinda conversation goes on

While they're loafing around that hall?

They be tryin′ out Bevo, tryin' out cubebs

Tryin' out Tailor Mades like cigarette fiends

And braggin′ all about how they′re gonna cover up

A tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen

One fine night, they leave the pool hall

Heading for the dance at the Arm'ry

Libertine men and scarlet women, and ragtime, shameless music

That′ll grab your son, your daught with the arms of a jungle, animal instinct

Mass-staria

Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground

Trouble (oh we got trouble)

Right here in River City (right here in River City)

With a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool

(That stands for pool)

We′ve surely got trouble (we've surely got trouble)

Right here in River City (right here)

Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones moral after school

(Our children′s children gonna have trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble...)

Mothers of River City, heed that warning before it's too late

Watch for the the tell-tale signs of corruption

The minute your son leaves the house

Does he re-buckle his knickerbockers below the knee?

Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?

A dime novel hidden in the corn crib?

Is he starting to memorise jokes from Cap'n Billy′s Whiz Bang?

Are certain words creeping into his conversation

Words like, like "swell"? (Trouble, trouble, trouble)

And "so′s your old man? (Trouble, trouble, trouble)

Well if so, my friends, you got trouble (oh we got trouble)

Right here in River City (right here in River City)

With a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool

(That stands for pool)

We've surely got trouble (we′ve surely got trouble)

Right here in River City (right here)

Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule

(Our children's children gonna have trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble...)

Oh we got trouble, we′re in terrible, terrible trouble

That game with the fifteen numbered balls is a devil's tool (devil′s tool)

Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble

(Oh yes we got trouble here, we got big, big trouble)

With a "T" (with a capital "T")

Gotta rhyme it with "P" (gotta rhyme with "P")

And that stands for pool (that stands for pool)