I smoked Consulate and Park Drive

Drank Newcy Brown, learned how to skive

Polo mints to hide my breath from my Mum

Did a little weed 'cause it felt like fun

Did a little speed if my friends had some

Nicked Volkswagon badges, I'm a Beastie Boys son

Me so horny, me so young, and I still get my washing done

Auntie Jo died of cancer, God didn't have an answer

Rhythm was a dancer, any room for a chancer

That's me in the corner, thanks Sir

Wore a Troop track suit, British Knights shoes

Kangol hat like L.L. Cools

Before I was having it, having it large

They nicked the B.M.X. from out my garage

And I knew it was Tire from off the estate

'Cause every time I saw him he smiled like we were mates

From then on in, I'd have to walk to me Nan's and I'll dream my dreams for a sea of prams

Like a hooligan on the football stands and I threw the V's to Leeds and West Ham

And then I ran, I ran so far away

Down Scotia Road to a taxi bay

Then I ran again 'cause I couldn't pay

Young Muslim didn't get his fare that day

I apologise today

Things look better when they start

That's how the 80's broke my heart

And who are you calling poof

You like Wham, man

I hate that stuff

And then my Granddad died and left a hole in the family

And lots of women there to nanny me

School was a laugh, they didn't have A.D.D

Thick was the term they used for me

Over and over, repeatedly, over and over

Take my breathe away, pass the bidley bidley bidley bidley bong

Pass it on the left hand side

Right turn, Clyde

That girl in the fourth year got pregnant

She was raised Catholic, brilliant

I cried, she cried, we cried

Her youth died

Drank cider in the cemetery

The year above us had discovered 'E'

And I said it weren't for me

Twelve pounds fifty

I could rob my mum's purse and buy one off Chalky

Met a girl on Monday, drank fizzy pop on Tuesday

Fingered her on Wednesday, and on Thursday and Friday, and on Saturday

Dumped by Sunday

Things look better when they start

That's how the 80's broke my heart

The wonder years I've played my part

That's how the 80's broke my heart

I lost my virginity to a girl called Anne-Marie

Well, she said she fancied me

And then she said "Fuck me" and I thought fuck me

And I'm all talk and it'll be over too quickly

And it was but I couldn't care less

I'd seen a girl's part, made a mess on her dress

Oh yes, you're now rocking with the best

Second person in my year that had seen a breast

I'm in my 30s now and I'm still impressed

Why the Falklands Mum, and what have they done

Where do girls come, where do girls come from, where do girls come from

It's the 80's what you looking at, you mong

So young, so long, so young, so long

Too short, so long

What you looking at, you mong

Too short, so long, too short, so long

So long