Dude, do you eat your orange with or without the skin?

*Knocking*

Dude, do you hear that?I think someone′s at the door. Go check it out

No, you go check it out

No, you go check it out

Please go check it out

I'm watchin′ Family Guy

*Knocking*

*Sighs*

Please go check it out. Just - Just go -

Just go look out the window. Just go look at -

You don't have to go to the door,

Just go look out the window

Ugh, fine

*Walks to the door*

Oh my God, dude, it's that salesman again

The guy with the glasses?

Yes, the guy with the glasses. Who else?

Well, he′s the only guy that′s come around to our house

In, like, three months

Just ignore him, just -

*Doorbell rings*

*Both sigh*

(Ay, Lil' Steve on the mic

Ahem)

Hi there, name′s Steve

I know that you don't know me

You might′ve seen me on TV

I got an offer that you wouldn't believe, ay

Cuz I′m the epitome of salesman

That's right, I'm an old-school salesman!

You can watch my infomercials

And you know that shit′s never failin′

And I got this product:

It's a toaster oven that won′t break your wallet

It's called Easy Bake

Now let me tell you ′bout this oven

Here we go, step one, two, three

Put shit in, close the door, and turn the key

That's it! Honestly!

Now, just between you and me

It run batteries, never leave the factory

If anybody working says it isn′t satisfactory

Endorsed by Applebee's! (Not really...)

But you can make a killer Salisbury steak!

It makes it really easy to bake!

You can afford to put food on your plate after buyin' it!

Compatible with diets

And you don′t even have to touch a single fuckin′ fryin' pan

Are you buyin′ it yet?

Hi! My name's Ken Dupree! Is your life in shambles?

Don′t you lie to me!

How's your life feelin′, gettin' demeaning?

If you really ain't gettin′ the meaning, allow me to intervene

I′m sayin' if you think it′s fallin' apart, then let me restart

So I can tell you ′bout the thing to add to your cart

Talkin' motherfuckin′ Slice of Nice™!

The new breakthrough to make your shit aight!

If you're wonderin' how it works, then let me tell ya it′s simple

Kick up your feet and watch our interactive example

(Step one!) Grab a hold of ya shit

(Step two!) Place that bitch in with a flick of the wrist

(And last and least, third) Kick that shit to the curb!

What, you thought it′d get harder? Well, that's fucking absurd!

It′s amazing, I know how ya feel

In the next thirty minutes, I can cut you a deal

For twice the Nice™ at half the price

That's quadruple normal order, motherfucker

Fifty cents for a slice!

That′s right, just hit me up today

At 1-800-587-6588

For a product that'll flip the script

You can share it with your friends and be an instant hit!

(No shit!)

After all, have I lied to you before?

(And I ain′t countin' that fiasco with the foldable doors)

So pick up your Nice™ and put an end to the damage!

(Offer applies with enrollment in triple advantage)

"Hey, it's the Smiths! Uh...

We′re not home right now, we′re probably...

Out runnin' around with the kids, so...

Call, uh, we′ll call you back when we get a chance, uh

Leave a message!"

At the tone, please record your message.

When you've finished recording, you may hang up,

Or press 1 for more options

Hi, it′s Sheila from your Monday Pilates!

Thought you'd be interested in something more than a hobby

Where you′re working for yourself, and for nobody else

Please don't hang up the phone, I ain't trying to sell

Now these two guys′ll try to sell you some shit

And get into your pants with their sly salesman tricks

So take this advice from me to you, girl to girl

Tricky dicks′ll never make it in the sales world

We sell makeup, bags, bags of makeup

That make up bags with other bags of makeup

When you purchase a bag that makes up bags of makeup bags,

You get a free Keurig K-Cup!

Ain't a pyramid scheme if you start at the top

I got a myriad of things that′ll make you wanna shop

Drop everything and set up a shop, stop

This is your dream, don't let it slip through the seams

You know what I mean!

Now this is me reaching out, just checking in

We were best friends in High School, haven′t seen you since then!

There's no pressure whatsoever, I′m just asking as a friend

So is Monday a good time for your training to begin?

No? What the fuck do you mean?

You'd be a neighborhood queen!

You'd be pumping out the green

Like a glitchy, broken money machine!

Take some time to think

And when you wanna join the team, just call me

We can go to Starbucks and get a coffee. For free!

Cuz I have a gift card that my husband got me!

Please! I need to sell these sheets!

At least three, or my commission will be held for a week!

We′re sorry, the number you have dialed is not in service at this time

I′ll suck your cock, I swear to God