My mummy says I′m a miracle

My daddy says I'm his special little guy

I am a princessAnd I am a prince

Mum says I′m an angel sent down from the sky

My daddy says I'm his special little soldier

No one is as handsome, strong as me!

It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge

But I′m his little soldier!

Hop, 2-4-3!

My mummy says I′m a miracle

One look at my face, and it's plain to see

Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord

It′s been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me!

My daddy says I′m his special little soldier

No one is as bold or tough as me

Has my daddy told you

One day when I'm older

I can be a solder

And shoot you in the face!

One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days

It seems that there are millions of these one-in-a-millions

These days

Special-ness seems de rigueur

Above average is average - go figure

Is it is come modern miracle of calculus

That such frequent miracles don′t render each one un-

Miraculous

My mummy says I'm a miracle

One look at my face, and it's plain to see

Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord

It′s been clear there′s no peer for a miracle like me!

My mummy says I'm a precious barrelina

She has never seen a prettier barrelina

She says if I′m keen, I have to cut down on the cream

But I'm a barrelina, so give me more cake!

Take another photo of our angel in that costume that I made

The role of tree has never been portrayed with such

Convincing sway

That′s right, honey, look at mummy!

Don't put honey on your brother

Smile for mummy; smile for mother!

I think she blinked

Well, take another!

Have you seen his school report? He got a ′C' on his

Report

What?!

We'll have to change his school. His teacher′s clearly

Falling short

She′s just delightful

So hilarious and

Insightful

Might she be a little brighter than the norm?

I know to boys it's frightful form!

My mummy says I′m a miracle

One look at my face, and it's plain to see

Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord

It′s been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me!

My mummy says I′m a miracle

That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball

You can be all cynical, but it's a trust empirical

There′s never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as me!

Look, is this gonna take much longer, doctor?

I′ve got a plane to catch at three

I'm competing in the Bi-Annual International

Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships in Paris!

You′re getting on a plane, Mrs Wormwood?

Oh, yeah! I've been training four hours a day for the last two years, and I can tell you one thing:

If Jennifer Littleton thinks she′s walking off with the coveted golden shoe this year

She's got another think coming. I′ve got a secret weapon: Rudolpho

He's part Italian, you know. Very supple. He has incredible upper-body strength

I think we should have a talk

So, what is it? What's wrong with me?

Mrs Wormwood, do you really have no idea?

Wind?

Mrs Wormwood, I want you to think very carefully

Now, what do you think might be the ′cause of this?

Imma... Imma... uh, look, amma fat?

Mrs Wormwood, you′re pregnant

What?!?!

You're going to have a baby

But I′ve got a baby! I don't want another one!

Isn′t there something you can do?

You're nine months pregnant!

Antibiotics or... oh, my good Lord! What about the golden shoe?

A baby Mrs. Wormwood, a child, the most

Precious gift the natural world can

Bestow upon us has been handed to you

A brand new human being, a life, a person

A wonderful new person is about to come

Into your life and bring you love and

Magic and happiness and wonder

Oow! Bloody ′ell!

Every life I bring into this world restores my faith in humankind

Push Mrs. Wormwood, push!

I'll push you in a minute!

Each new-born life, a canvas yet unpainted...

This still unbroken skin...

This uncorrupted mind...

Every life is unbelieavbly unlikely

The chances of existence

Almost infinitely small

The most common thing in life is life

And yet every single life

Every new life is a miracle! Miracle!

Where is he? Where is my son?

Mr Wormwood, are you smoking?

What? Oh, of course doctor, what am I thinking?

This calls for a proper smoke

Who won? Was it Jennifer Littleton?

Maybe I can get a later flight or something

Mrs Wormwood, please stay where you are

As I keep telling you, you are in no shape to dance the tarantella

Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing, ain′t he?

His is one of the most beautiful little children I′ve ever seen!

You need glasses, mate, he looks like a prune!

Oh, my good Lord, where's his thingy!

What?

His doo-dah. His what-dya-ma-call-it. What you done with his thingy?

This child doesn′t have a... "thingy", Mr Wormwood

What?!? A boy with no thingy? Look what you done, you stupid woman, this boy's got no thingy!

Mr Wormwood, this child is a girl. A girl! A beautiful, beautiful little girl

Just put me out me misery, was it Jennifer Littleton or not?

Of course it was Jennifer Littleton

This is the worst day of my life!

Oh, my undercarriage doesn′t feel quite normal

My skin looks just revolting in this foul fluorescent light

And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal

Semi-Spanish gown I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight

I should be dancing the tarantella

Qui mon fella Italiano

Not dressed in hospital cotton

With a smarting front bottom

And this...

Horrible...

Miracle!

Smelly little-

Miracle!

Weakly little ball of fat!

What the hell was that?

Will someone give this thing a bottle?

Or swap it for a later model?

Why do bad things always happen to good people?

Fine upstanding citizens like you and me?

Why when we've done nothing wrong...

Should this disaster come along?

This horrible, weird looking...

Hairy little stinky thing

With no sign of a winky-ding at all

Miracle, miracle, a miracle; every life′s a miracle

Beautiful miracle I have ever seen...

I can't find his frank and beans...

Every life is unbelieavbly unlikely

The chances of existence, almost infinitely small

The most common thing in life is life

And yet every single life, every new life is a miracle!

Miracle! Miracle!

My mummy says I'm a miracle

One look at my face, and it′s plain to see

Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord

It′s been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me!

My mummy says I′m a miracle

That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball

You can be all cynical, but it′s a truth empirical

There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as...

My mummy says I′m a lousy little worm

My daddy says I'm a bore

My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ

That kids like me should be against the law

My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie hole

No one likes a smart-mouthed girl like me

Mum says I′m a good case for population control

Dad says I should watch more TV