When I was young and just a bad little kid,

My momma noticed funny things I did.

Like shootin' puppies with a BB-Gun.

I'd poison guppies, and when I was done,

I'd find a pussy-cat and bash in it's head.

That's when my momma said...

(What did she say?)

She said my boy I think someday

You'll find a way

To make your natural tendencies pay...

You'll be a dentist.

You have a talent for causing things pain!

Son, be a dentist.

People will pay you to be inhumane!

You're temperment's wrong for the priesthood,

And teaching would suit you still less.

Son, be a dentist.

You'll be a success.

"Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque."

"Watch him suck up that gas. Oh My God!"

"He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good."

"Who wants their teeth done by the Marqui DeSade?"

"Oh, that hurts! Wait! I'm not numb!"

"Eh, Shut Up! Open Wide! Here I Come!"

I am your dentist.

And I enjoy the career that I picked.

I'm your dentist.

And I get off on the pain I inflict!

I thrill when I drill a bicuspid.

It's swell, though then tell me I'm mal-adjusted.

And though it may cause my patients distress.

Somewhere...Somewhere in heaven above me...

I know...I know that my momma's proud of me.

"Oh, Momma..."

'Cause I'm a dentist...

And a success!

"Say ahh..."

"Say AHhhh..."

"Say AAARRRHHHH!!!"

"Now Spit!"