Nigel... Fuckin′ legend

Me and Nig been mates all our lives

Even played in the same band

Best gig we ever got was at a Country Pub

One Easter long weekend

Beter than that, the wives were invited, and we all had double rooms

A bit of quality time for the boys

And the brides, like a second honeymoon

We set up the band while the girls got

Settled and we done our final soundcheck

Then we ran upstairs for a peck and

A promise, then we ran back down again

The Pub was pumped, and the band kicked arse

Of course me and Nig got pissed

With the added bonus of a gauranteed roots

Life don't get better than this

Then after the gig we had a few more

Beers and played a few rounds of pool

We were both pretty pissed when we get to the miss

Our last twenty divided by two

And then he said "kid I′ll make you a bet, double or nothing for you"

"I'll bet you that twenty that when we

Get upstairs, I'll get more roots than you"

Nigel... Fuckin′ legend

So we both stumbled upstairs and then

Shook hands, and wished each other good luck

Now in full will the competition is

On, tomorrow we′ll be tallin' fucks

But hardly wait to get the key in the

Door, cause the missus was waitin′ there too

Spread out on the bed in her nèlige

"Come here Rambo, I've been waitin′ for you"

"Kevi... Fuckin' legend"

Number one was fun for the missus and

Me, got up to stuff we hadn′t done in years

So I marked in on the wall with a

Piece of chalk that I found behind me ear

Then I must have dozed off cause when I looked

At the clock by the bed, it said a quarter past two

So I give her nudge, said "are you awake love"

No response, thank you ... Number Two

"Kevi... Fuckin' legend"

Next thing I knew it was six 'o clock

, Cause I woke up with a huge piss horn

But before I could go the missus had me by the throat

"Rambo wants some more"

Then she drag me to the shower,

Took another half hour, but I didn′t mind at all

Lay back on the bed thought,

′Good on you Kev' as I marked a third stroke on the wall

"Kevi ... Fuckin′ legend"

I was dozin' off again a contended

Man just thinkin′ about my good luck

With the missus whisperin' in me ear

"Rambo want another fuck"

Then all hell broke loose and there was bangin′ and

Smashin', and you'll never guess who crash through the door

Pumped full of Viagra,

Frothtin′ at the mouth, dick dribblin′ all over the floor

Yip you guessed it

Nigel... Fuckin' legend

He left a snail trail as he crawled to me

Bed and looked up to the marks I have made

Then he shook me hand and give me a hug and a big "Oh, MATE..."

Then he stood up straight,

Dick danglin′ in me face, and saluted to the lines I drew

"Fuckin' hell Kevin, I got down eleven, you beat me by two"

Nigel... Fuckin′ legend

Nigel... Fuckin' legend

Nigel... Fuckin′ legend

Nigel... Fuckin' legend

Nigel... Fuckin' legend