i don't know if it was real or in a dream

lately waking up i'm not sure where i've been

there was a table set for six and five were there

i stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair

and there was steam on the windows from the kitchen

laughter like a language i once spoke with ease

but i'm made mute by the virtue of decision

and i choose most of your life goes on without me

oh the fear i've known

that i might reap the praise of strangers

and end up on my own

all i've sown was a song

but maybe i was wrong

i said to you the one gift which i'd adore

the package of the next 10 years unfolding

but you told me if i had my way i'd be bored

right then i knew i loved you best born of your scolding

when we last talked we were lying on our backs

looking at the sky through the ceiling

i used to lie like that alone out on the driveway

trying to read the greek upon the stars

the alphabet of feeling

oh i knew back then

it was a calling that said if joy then pain

the sound of the voice these years later

is still the same

i am alone in a hotel room tonight

i squeeze the sky out but there's not a star appears

begin my studies with this paper and this pencil

and i'm working through the grammar of my fears

oh mercy what i won't give

to have the things that mean the most

not to mean the things i miss

unforgiving the choice still is

the language or the kiss