This song isn′t encouragement

Rather, it's a song disguised as a lesson of do′s and do not's

I want to make sure that you do not travel down my road, yeahSo here you go

Let's put you in the motherfucking know

Let′s start off easy, capeesh

I′m about to make a vernacular-fucking inaugural speech

Place my left hand on the Bible, raise my right one up

And repeat after me

I'm about to swear to you

That this song is what′s up

And I'll do it to these beats

Because it′s the truth, it's the proof

That some of history is lying to you

So now let′s make an honest person out of you

Let's start with Xanax

Otherwise known as take a nap bitch

Oh, I see you're stressing, come here

Let me make you sink in your chair

When really, you should be dressing up

For your day at work at the clinic-of-hair

Then you remember that you′re off

And you don′t even gotta go up there

But how were you supposed to have remembered that

You had to get woken up

By a huge backslap

To the face by a case of the drowsies

Feeling lousy and pouty

Because now you're all crossed up and doubty

Trippin′ man

And not the fun kind

Rather over the pots and pans that you dropped on your kitchen floor

When you finished cooking some really yummy shit

That you buy at the store

This shit's made in a laboratory, yo

They prescribe it to the mentally strained, yo

But rarely do they give it to the ones that need it though

Cause if they actually helped, they wouldn′t get their money, bro

So bars, and not the rhyming kind will maybe slow you up

Maybe ease your mind up

But in reality, those little footballs, triangles, and three-section concoctions

Well, they're only fun if you want mush in your noggin

Oops, I forgot the rest

I got real tired all of a sudden

My head, it started nodding

Look

Drugs, drugs, druggy drug drugs

Some of them make your stomach

Feel like you ate some slugs

And some of them are a godsend from heaven above

So, love, love, lovey dove dove

Take the ones that help

And forget the ones that don′t, dog

Because people don't realize that the doctors are the good guys

But they answer to the ones with the supply

So, you have a choice to either fly or die

Or ride and cry

Just get on the magic carpet and set sail for the sky

Take a ride, man

And then call up the genie that the world has been bottling

Now, we're gonna get a bit more serious

We′re gonna chat about the shit that induces

Delirious, insidious, and hideous and pitiful hysteria

Caused by some misfires in your brain

Because you took some shit to numb your pain

Yes, you guessed it

The culprits here are opiates

Methadone, man

Vicodin, you fucking thin pin

Heroin, angel dust, and black tar are an absolute sin

I′ve seen people sell their souls to this shit

While spending their living just to make sure that they can get it

Two hundred dollars every 5 days

For little white pills that get you stuck in their ways

Of not eating anything that isn't deep fried food

And if you fucking go without them

You′ll feel like you'll die

And you really just might

That why I′m writing this rhyme

To tell you that this stuff isn't a joke

If you think it′s fun or it's nothing but a little time

Polka dancing in the sun

Then I cannot tell you enough

Stay away from these things, man

Or you might just end up in a coffin and not breathing

But you'll be still crutching onto your crutch with

The numbers 8-5-3 etched and sketched into their face and it

Doesn′t matter what season

These things are called a crisis for a motherfucking reason

Season that, pound that

Let that sink in

This is marination of a whole generation

Now, we get to the ones I endorse

I skipped over a few that are bad

Because they′re so damn bad

That it's not even a fad to do them, so screw them

Let′s talk about the good jam

The cream of the crop that you should believe in mushrooms

And I'm not shit talking about shitake

I′m taking about that magic cap

That'll have you laying on your back with sunglasses on

Because you see the image of something that makes you go woah

Triple rainbow, man

And it does nothing but put you in awe

Talk to it

It might even talk back, sounds bad right

Most think so, but they don′t know

That that magic shit is natural

Absolutely natural, and that's actually factual

Take them 1 or 2 times, and you might learn how to rhyme like me

Take them 3 or 4 times, and you might become a guru, chief

Sitting on your throne watching over all of history

Just don't take a whole bag of caps

Cause then you′ll watch everything you see sag

Like a bag of potatoes that′s full of grease lightning too

Everything will get all slimy and look like

It's falling down right on top of you

LSD?

I′ve never done it

Woe is me

But I wouldn't hate you if you did it

Once or twice just to see

That it alters every inch of reality

And listen to me about this one, I can′t stress it enough

Robitussin is straight up satan

It's definitely not a gift from above

The shit is like devil juice, people

Making you all wobbly, fall down on the sofa

Trying to robo-moonwalk over to wash your hair

But, here′s the deal

The shit is on counters, and I can't stop you from buying it

But my advice is this

Do the shit once, just to see into the image that it paints

And then spits back right into your motherfucking face

Just don't end up like me

Thinking you′re a motherfucking saint until you faint

Into your own version of hell

Trust me there′s not enough stories in existence

About this red shit bath that I could tell

Don't do it

Seriously

Drugs, drugs, druggy drug drugs

Some of them make your stomach

Feel like you ate some slugs

And some of them are a godsend from heaven above

Look, love, love, lovey dove dove

Take the ones that help

And forget the ones that don′t, dog

Because people don't realize that the doctors are the good guys

But they answer to the ones with the supply

So, you have a choice to either fly or die

Or ride and cry

Just get on the magic carpet and set sail for the sky

Take a ride, man

And then call up the genie that the world has been bottling, Aladdin

Alright, this one here is something

Every motherfucker needs to hear

The first half of it I′m gonna write without it

Then I'm gonna take a 3 beat pause and come back

Proving you nonbelievers that doubted

That this shit isn′t a drug at all

It's the fucking answers to the problems that we have been trying to solve

Yes, you guessed it

I'm talking about Mary Jane, yo

(Spider-Spider-Spider-Man, yo)

Peter Parker, she makes you have a brain, yo

If you′re over the age of sixteen

And you think this world′s gonna end

Just dance in a field of green until

You realize that in the end

Lights, camera, action

This is all one long Oscar-winning masterpiece of a film scene

Don't use the metal pipe

That shit′s for something completely different

Nah, use the glass, Matt

Then share a little bit with Alexis, Matt

Then you'll probably end up having the best sex of your life, dude

Odds are you won′t even want to reach up and turn out the lights

But here's a message for the frowners

That are downright downers

Before I take that pause that I spoke about in that first grammatical clause

You motherfuckers are straight up blasphemous

Trying to control a motherfucking plant

That′s been here long before a fucking embryo

Turned into a developing baby, yo

And you think you can just strip that shit away

Damn it, you guys are so fucking blind

No wonder you don't like it

You're empty in the mind

But before I get all heated

I′mma take a single minute

I′mma go and imitate the way that Cheech and Chong did it

Just take 3 beats to think about it

Grab a bong and rip it, and when I come back

You'll see the difference that this stanky dank can make

Let′s put it down in fate

Hi there

I'm high here

Don′t you see what I did there

I played those words like Twister with oil

Slipped around them, danced around them

And flip-flopped around them

And you think this stuff makes people dumb

It kills their brain cells

Makes their minds melt

Into slush hell

Red bell

Rebel yell

Coming from the lungs

Of a Paul Mall smoking tall cop

Who's about to go pick up a straight A college student

With a case of the infamous crunchy munchies

God please write a book for

These naïve heathens

And title it

Four twenty for dummies

Cause they put us in a time

Where it′s considered an incarcerating crime

To be inspired to make a rhyme

By smoking some of that sativa or indica line of genetics

That makes you all Edgar Allen Poetic

And eventually leads you to go get an

Extra large, extra cheese, extra dough pizza

From the Mister Dough Sto

And then bring it home and eat it

While watching A New Hope

Well, here's the lesson

If you want to ruin the lives of people

That are simply just avoiding this world's

Evil intentions, yet you think

That they′re motherfucking Knievel

Take another look at the book, Brooke

Haha

And don′t give me that look

Look, I know you're feeling shook

But it′s okay, Stephanie

This world won't end because of me

It′ll end because of Steven over there

In the middle of leaving his wife

Because he gave up his life

To a bottle of white vodka

Oops

That sucks

Hope you didn't get too mean

Maybe you should′ve followed after me

And chose some green christmas trees

Over sippin' down your lemon martinis

And watching, gazing, eyes blazing

While you're staring down the jiggly

Eighteen year old girls fo feenies

Anyway, back to the track

To the rhythmic flow of gold

I just told you all stuff that you needed to know

And it took a while and a lot of thought

Too long didn′t read

Then you should listen to me

Go dig for a seed and get ready to water

The idea and the very thought of

Everything you love most

In an unbreakable pot