Peter:

Nothing else has worked so far,

So I'll wish upon a star,

Wondrous sparkling speck of light,

I need a Jew...

Lois makes me take the rap,

'Cause our checkbook looks like crap,

Since I can't give her a slap,

I need a Jew...

Where to find

A Baum or Stien or Stein

To teach me how to whine

And do my taxes...

Though by many they're abhorred,

Hebrew people I've adored,

Even though they killed my lord,

I need a Jew!

Max:

Hi, my name's Max Weinstein,

my car just broke down,

can I use you phone?

Peter:

Now my troubles are all through

I have a Jew!

Max:

Hey!