Jumped out of the 2nd floor of a record store with a Treacherous Four cassette

And a cassette recorder

In Ecuador with Edward Norton

Witness the metamorphosis of a legend growin′ like an expert swordsman from the Hessian war and hence the origin of the Headless Horseman

Born with the endorphins of a pathetic orphan

Endless source and reservoir of extension cords in dresser drawers, and deadbolts on the bedroom door, and sexual torture kits kept in a separate storage bin

Excellent boyfriend!

Use intercourse to settle scores with women who have vendettas towards men

Dickhead is forced in 'till there′s shredded foreskin

Reddish torn, and they're only bein' fed a portion

Bed sores, and sore shins, pregnant whores can get abortions

Fetish for stickin′ metal forks in, self-absorption

Skeletor, I went to Hell and fell a floor

A predator, I′m headed for competitors

Better warn 'em, what I lack in tact and a set of morals

I make up for in metaphors like a cosmetic store

Stegosaurus, Chuck Norris with a thesaurus

Yes, of course, a mess of warrants

You want some? Come and get some, boys!

I′m givin' Daniel Pantaleo a refresher course on excessive force and pressure points,

And dressin′ George Zimmerman in a fluorescent orange dress and four inch heels to address the court

With a bullseye on his back

His whole chest, and torso are left on the doorsteps of Trayvon's dad as a present for him!

In my present form I′m Desert Storm

Appetite for destruction, there's no suppressant for

Aggressive, forceful, and less remorseful in every morsel

Unpleasant, horrible; hello, gorgeous!

The rebel with devil horns just fell off the yellow short bus

Met a contortionist said, "When you wanna get sexual?"

She said, "However I fit in your schedule. I'm flexible."

Expired tags on the Saturn...

Got Catherine Bach in the back in Daisy Dukes with the hazards on at a traffic stop gettin′ harassed, signed an autograph for this asshole cop′s daughter

Laughed 'cause I called her a brat on it, he spat on it, and brought it back lookin′ half in shock

Had a heart attack, and dropped dead

Started fallin' back with it, and got slapped with a Colin Kaepernick practice sock

One ball and half a dick: Apple Watch

Cracked front axle, walked in a Bass Pro Shop with David Hasselhoff

Pulled Tabasco sauce out of my satchel

Knocked over a fisherman′s tackle box and asked if they had a laugh in stock?

That was fuckin' stupid...

You got it twisted, all ′cause I offered this bitch a doggie biscuit, you call me misogynistic?

Bitch, get to massagin' this dick!

Like spas in this bitch, slob on it with gobs of lipstick

Got a shoppin' list for you to run some odds and ends with

There′s not a bitch on this earth I can be monogamous with

She′s non-existent

Robin Thicke with a throbbin' dick on some suave and slick shit, but I shout derivatives at bitches like fuckin′ missile launchers

Misfit, blond, and nitwit

Like I've gone ballistic, with a frostin′ tip kit

Screamed, "I hate blondes!" and became one...

I'm optimistic

Love to start shit

Shovin′ Clark Kent's undergarments in the glove compartment of the bucket, bumpin' Bubba Sparxxx

I′m double parkin′ up at Targets, trouble causer, a double crosser,

Shadiest mothafucka you'll ever come across

Olympic gymnast, been known for "some assaults"

A couple lawsuits, enough to cause a stomach ulcer

Same damn brain scan results as Rainman′s'es

Something′s aweful when Dustin Hoffman's dressin′ up in your mummy costume

On stage dancin' to "Brain Damage,"

What's the problem? Nothing′s wrong, the name brand is back to reclaim status

Run the faucet, I′mma dunk a bunch of Trump supporters underwater

Snuck up on 'em in Ray-Bans in a gray van with a spray tan

It′s a wrap, like an ACE bandage

Don't-give-a-fuck persona, to my last DNA strand

E&J in the waistband, at the VMAs with the stagehand

She wants kielbasa

Pre-arrange an escape plan

Three-inch blade on point, like a See-and-Say

Consider me a dangerous man, but you should be afraid of this dang candidate

You say Trump don′t kiss ass like a puppet 'cause he runs his campaign with his own cash for the fundin′

And that's what you wanted, a fuckin' loose cannon who′s blunt with his hand on the button who doesn′t have to answer to no one?

—Great idea!

If I was president "gettin' off" is the first order of business

Once I get in office

Second thing that′ll make me happy's walkin′ up to Uncle Sam naked, laughin', dick cupped in hand, screamin′, "Fuck safe sex!"

Throw a latex and an AIDS test at him!

Tell Congress I run this land, and I want the rubber banned, and make it snappy

Addiction to friction and static

Addict who can't escape the habit

Continue to chase the dragon, but as fate would have it,

I walked up in Major Magics dressed as the maintenance man in a laser tag vest and a racin' jacket with a gauge to blast it, and sped away in the station wagon

Stacey Dash′s and Casey Anthony′s crazy asses in the backseat throwin' Stayfree pads at me

Dead passenger in the passenger seat

Unfasten the safety latches, and slam on the brakes in traffic so hard I snapped the relocation brackets for the monster tires

′Finna get a murder case and catch it like you threw it at me encased in plastic

And send Dylann Roof through the windshield of the Benz

Until he spins like a pinwheel and begins feelin'

Like a windmiller with a thin build while his skin′s peelin',

And skids ′til he hits a cement pillar

Swing for the fence like Prince Fielder, knock it into the upper peninsula

You wanna go against 'zilla, The Rap God?

When will I quit? Never been realer

The in-stiller of fear, not even a scintilla of doubt whose pens iller than Prince in a chinchilla or Ben Stiller in a suspense thriller

Revenge killer, avenge syllable binge

Fill a syringe, 'til I...

Draw first blood

Even pop shit on my pop shit, and it′s popular

Couldn′t be more awkwarder cause you're innocence I robbed you of

It′s my fingers that got stuck up

Taught ya ta, not give a slapstick hockey puck

The broad hunter with the sawed off like an arm when it's lopped off of ya, but I′m not gonna get the shotgun or the Glock I'm gonna opt for the ox ′cause I'm into objects that are sharp when I shop, and it's not a shock, I′m such an obnoxious fucker...

The Rock Hudson of rock ′cause who would have thought this much of a cocksucker to go across the buttocks of Vivica Fox with a box cutter?

That was for 50

Little slap on the wrist, be warned

I'm unravelin′ quickly

My squabbles, I'm grappling with your time traveling with me

Try and follow, as I wobble, relapse into history, with a flask of the whiskey

Tip it back then I′m twisting wine bottles like what happened to Chris Reeve's spine column

That′s the plan of attack when I'm fixing my problems

Wish my chest wasn't having to get these rhymes off ′em

But the fact that I have so many rappers against me mind boggles

And why I haven′t come back on these faggots who diss me is more of a spectacular mystery than a fucking Agatha Christie crime novel!

But my patience is wearing thin

Swear I been contemplatin' rubbing shit in your face ′til I smear it in

Diss you in every lyric until you fear the pen and never appear again if you actually had fuckin' careers to end

But then I think of Molly Qerim and I steer ′em in that direction and forget my ideas for them...

Molly, I'm gone off you

Man, light some kush

You′re my first take, I'll nail you

Can't lie, I gush

If I won you over, you would be the grand prize

I′m entranced by your looks, come and give the Shady franchise a push

You can get it in the can like some Anheuser Busch

Jeans too small, least three pant sizes

Tush mushed against your damn side, your puss

And thighs are squished

What kind of attire′s that?

I'm ready to be rode

Psychopath, bet you we′ll get it poppin' like a flat

Light the match to ignite the wrath

Got knives to slash and slice hermaphrodites in half

Piper Chapman might just have to picket me like a scab

Hard to describe in fact

Startling, violent, perhaps are things that come to mind as soon as I start spitting rhymes like that

And you aren′t really surprised at that, but as far as these lines I rap,

And these bars, wouldn't dial it back if I star 69′ed the track

Why am I such a dick?