I have a dream

I′m here to tell

About a wonderful fantastic new hotelYes, it's one of a kind

Right here in Hell

Catering to a specific clientele (Ooooh)

Inside of every demon is a rainbow

Inside every sinner is a shiny smile

Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac

Is a jolly, happy, cupcake-loving child

We can turn around

They′ll be heaven-bound

With just a little time down at the Happy Hotel

So all you junkies, freaks, and weirdos

Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks, and zeros

And downfallen superheroes, help is here

All of you cretins, sluts and losers, sexual deviants and boozers

And prescription drug abusers, need not fear

Forever again, we'll cure your sin

We'll make you well, you′ll feel so swell

Right here in Hell at the Happy Hotel

There′ll be no more fire and no more screams

Just puppy dog kisses and cotton candy dreams

And puffy-wuffy clouds, you're gonna be like, wow!

Once you check in with me

So, all your cartoon porn addictions, vegan rants, psychic predictions

Ancient Roman crucifixions end right here

All you monsters, thieves and crazies, cannibals and crying babies

Frothing mouth is full of rabies, filled with cheer

You′ll be complete, it'll be so neat

Our service can′t be beat

You'll be on easy street, yes!

Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel