(Chris Clark/Richard Fagan/John Greenbaum/Cledus T. Judd/Tony Martin/Sterling Whipple)

Don't tell her what it's worth, third rock from her thumb.

Well, he walks in the pawn shop, one thing on his mind:

He wants to buy a diamond but he doesn't have a dime.

He finds the one he likes and they cut him quite a deal.

A two carat solitaire but neither one's real.

Picks up the payphone, puts it to his ear.

Calls his chick, collect and says: "Get over here."

When he shows his girfriend, she can't believe her eyes.

She never thought she'd ever really get one that size.

He tries to think of somethin' when she asked him: "Where'd you get it?"

Down at Diffie's Pawn but he never will admit it.

He tries to change the subject: "Forget the wedding list.

"Let's head on out to Vegas and get it over with."

Flaws and defects, no billing ads.

Hope she never finds out how much he spent.

Nothin' else shines like a zirconia.

Don't tell her what it's worth, third rock from her thumb.

Just outside of Vegas, the truck gets a flat,

She says: "We woulda made it if you weren't so doggone fat."

They try to hitch a ride from some hippies in a van.

To a ratty little motel called "The S&M Grand".

Puts on her little nightie, gives him a little wink.

Ring slips off her finger, down the bathroom sink.

She starts to call a plumber. He begins to shout:

"Give me a coat-hangar, I think I can get it out."

Fishes out the ring in a big ball if hair,

Slips it on her finger as he pats her derriere.

Thinkin' to himself: "It's a lucky thing.

"A plumber woulda cost me much more than that ring."

Flaws and defects, no billing ads.

Hope she never finds out how much he spent.

Nothin' else shines like a zirconia.

Don't tell her what it's worth, third rock from her thumb.

Flaws and defects, no billing ads.

Hope she never finds out how much I spent.

Nothin' else shines like a zirconia.

Don't tell her what it's worth, third rock from her thumb.

Wonder what it's worth, third rock from her thumb.

Don't tell him what it's worth, third rock from her thumb.