Yeah

I guess I gotta cut the tension

And face the music, this shouldn′t be the place to do itBut I don't wanna run from questions, like

What happened in March

Like I made a whole song and that wasn′t mentioned, but

I gotta add more to the story

I won't say this shit again, pay the fuck attention

Cuz it's been a year and nothing changed

Nothin helps with the pain

I fucking lose it when I see her name

I ain′t the same, she ain′t the same

But I hear she's doing well

And I don′t know how, if I knew how I turned out

Would I slit my throat back when I had the chance

Because my fucking life became a backup plan, I don't know

I probably would

It′s hard for me to think about a time I was good

And then I met a woman and she did what she could

But then she couldn't handle everything no one should

And I, ain′t, mad at ya

It's all that I know, it's out of control

Why would I cover my scars let em show

Maybe you′ll see what′s so hard to let go

I just want the benefit, of the doubt

I won't hear the end of it, it′s so loud

I don't wanna estimate, my detriment′s, my deficit

No way out, maybe death is it

So lemme clear this up

It was never her fault, and I wish she could tell

I ain't lucky I survived, I can′t live with myself

And I don't think this'll help

Cuz now I don′t feel

Now I don′t cry

Now I can't heal

Now I can′t die

I ain't the same

Look in my eyes

I′m still alive

I don't know why

25 and God won′t let me die

But you can if ya tell me that I'm here for a reason

Lost 7 units of blood in the whip

And my Mom had to clean it

Now she can't fucking sleep til I come come home

Traumatized, all of my friends from what I know

Maybe that′s the reason that none of us are as close

And that′s why they don't call, how the fuck would I know

I don′t hear shit from who kept me alive

They made sure that I was, and left me to die

My boy Shawn killed himself, if he survived

He couldn't push me away, he would be here today

And my best friend Kenny cut him down from the noose

I still remember when I found out the news

He ain′t been the same since, he was fucked in the first place

Year goes by I almost died on his birthday

They were tryna hospitalize me for a month

Then corona came around, they were stitching me up

Out in 5 days, they stopped giving a fuck, and so did I

I'm too familiar wit regret

I look in the mirror and I see a silhouette

I been fighting for my life ever since

When I lose the fight, then this song is what you get

You can hear it in my voice, I just sound different

I don′t talk about my pain cuz I drowned in it

I don't have an option nothin left I can do

And now they wanna talk about the elephant in the room, but there's a mouse in it

Yeah

But there′s a mouse in it

Cuz now I don′t feel

Now I don't cry

Now I can′t heal

Now I can't die

I ain′t the same

Look in my eyes

I'm still alive

I don′t know why