Officer good evenin', allow me to explain, the spectacle you see beside this road.

Well it's been a long, hard day,

and I have been the victim of circumstances beyond my control.

Let me just assure you that I'm not a drinkin' man.

I work hard to uphold the law.

And those people in that other car, they're friends of my ex-wife,

no matter what they told you they saw.

The car was upside down when I got here.

I left it right side up some time ago.

Some kids drove by and poured somethin' all down my shirt,

well it might have been tequila, I don't know.

I just stepped into the woods for a midnight prayer,

I don't know what went down while I was not here.

That stop sign was on the hood when I bought the car,

and the car was upside down when I got here.

Officer my reputation speaks for itself,

well I'm as innocent and gentle as a child.

That fist fight with my mama, that was three months ago,

I can't believe that's still on my file.

Now a conscientious peace keeper such as yourself,

must surely recognize an honest guy.

And since most of my money goes to charitable causes,

I can't afford a DWI.

Yea the car was upside down when I got here.

I left it right side up some time ago.

Some kids drove by and poured somethin' all down my shirt,

well it might have been tequila, I don't know.

I stepped into the woods for a midnight prayer,

yea I don't know what went down while I was not here.

That stop sign was on the hood when I bought the car,

and the car was upside down when I got here.

No sir, I don't remember exactly how I broke my ribs,

but the car was upside down when I got here.