[Intro]

"Or Eminem has a full line of chainsaws

"Eminem, Eminem, Eminem, Eminem

Eminem, Eminem"

"Marshall Mathers, Eminem, the rapper Eminem"

"Who can say for sure?

Perhaps a frontal lobotomy would be the answer

If science could operate on this distorted brain

And put it to good use, society would reap a great benefit"

[Verse 1]

I walk around like a space cadet, place your bets

Who's likely to become a serial killer? Case of Tourettes

Fuck, fuck, fuck, can't take the stress

I make a mess as the day progresses

Angry and take it out on the neighbors' hedges

Like this is how I'll cut your face up, bitches, with these hedge-trimmin' scissors with razor edges

Imagination's dangerous, it's the only way to escape this mess

And make the best of this situation, I guess

'Cause I feel like a little bitch, this predicament's

Despicable, I'm sick of just gettin' pushed, it's ridiculous

I look like a frickin' wuss, a pussy

This kid just took my stick of licorice

And threw my sticker books in a picker bush

I wanna kick his tush, but I was six and shook

This fucker was twelve and was six foot, with a vicious hook

He hit me, I fell, I got back up, all I did was book

Now there's usin' your head, momma always said

[Chorus]

"If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous

A brain, you'd be dangerous" (I'ma prove you wrong)

Momma, I'ma grow one day to be famous

And I'ma be a pain in the anus (I'ma be the bomb)

I'ma use my head as a weapon

Find a way to escape this insaneness (Momma always said)

"Son, if you had a brain, you'd be dangerous"

Guess it pays to be brainless

[Verse 2]

Fast forward some years later, a teenager; this is fun, sweet

I just got jumped twice in one week, it's complete

It's usually once a month, this is some feat I've accomplished

They've stomped me into the mud, gee

For what reason you stumped me?

But how do you get the shit beat out of you, beat down

And be upbeat when you don't have nothing?

No valid shot at life, chance to make it or succeed

'Cause you're doomed from the start

It's like you grew up on Jump Street, from jump street

But if I could just get my head out my ass

I could accomplish any task, practicin' trash-talkin' in a trance

Locked in my room, yeah, but I got some plans, momma

These damn rhymes are fallin' out of my pants pocket, I can't stop it!

And I'm startin' to blend in more, in school this shit helps for sure

I'm gettin' more self-assured than I've ever been before

Plus no one picks on me anymore

I done put a stop to that, threw my first punch, end of story

Still, in my skull’s a vacant empty void, been usin' it more as a bin for storage

Take some inventory: in this gourd, there's a Ford engine, door

Hinge, syringe, an orange, an extension cord, and a ninja sword

Not to mention four linchpins, an astringent stored

Ironin' board, a bench, a wrench, a ore winch, an attention whore

Everything but a brain, but dome's off the fuckin' chain

Like an independent store, something's wrong with my head

Just think if I had a brain in it, thank God that I don't

'Cause I'd probably be Dahmer, 'cause Momma always said

[Chorus]

"If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous

A brain, you'd be dangerous" (I'ma prove you wrong)

Momma, I'ma grow one day to be famous

And I'ma be a pain in the anus (I'ma be the bomb)

I'ma use my head as a weapon

Find a way to escape this insaneness (Momma always said)

"Son, if you had a brain, you'd be dangerous"

Guess it pays to be brainless

[Bridge]

Now my mom goes wahm-wahm-wahm

'Cause I'm not that smart, but I'm not dumb

I was on the bottom of the pile, gettin' stomped

But somehow I came out on top

[Verse 3]

I told you one day, I said they'd have that red carpet rolled out, yo

I'm nice, y'all, fuck it, I'm out cold, now everywhere I go

They scream out, "Go!", I'm 'bout to clean house, yo

I'm Lysol, now I'm just household

Outsold the sell-outs, freak the hell out Middle America

Hear 'em yell out in terror, they were so scared, and those kids

Just about belted out whatever spouted

Or fell out my smart aleck mouth, it was so weird

Inappropriate? So be it, I don't see it

Maybe one day when the smoke clears, it won't be as

Motherfuckin' difficult, yeah

'Til then, hopefully you little homos get over your fears and phobias

It's okay to be scared straight, they said I provoke queers

'Til emotions evoke tears, my whole career's

A stroke of sheer genius, smoke and mirrors, tactical, practical jokes, yeah

You motherfuckin'— insert insult here

Who the fuck woulda thunk that one little ole MC'd

Be able to take the whole culture and reupholster it?

And boy, they did flock; can't believe this little hick locked

This hip-hop shit in his hip pocket, and still the shit got

That white-trash traffic in gridlock, shit hoppin' like six blocks

From a Kid Rock/Insane Clown Posse concert in mid-Oc-

-tober, and God forbid I see a wizard

And get a brain in my titanium cranium, y'all

'Cause I'll turn into the Unabomber, Momma always said—

[Chorus]

"If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous

A brain, you'd be dangerous" (I'ma prove you wrong)

Momma, I'ma grow one day to be famous

And I'ma be a pain in the anus (I'ma be the bomb)

I'ma use my head as a weapon

Find a way to escape this insaneness (Momma always said)

"Son, if you had a brain, you'd be dangerous"

Guess it pays to be brainless

[Outro]

"Insaneness" ain't even a word, you stupid fuck!

Neither is "ain't"