(B: Bob D: Doug C: Chorus)

B: OK, good day.This is our Christmas part of the album.You can play this

at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's

nothin' else to do.

D: Good day, eh?In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part.

B: Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on.OK, so good day.This is the Christmas

part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get..um...your true love for

Christmas.

D: Look out the window!

B: Where? (chuckle) What are ya doin'?!?

D: Snow, hosehead!

B: Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing 'cause it's

Christmastime.Hey, hoser!

D: What?

B: Here's a quiz. (chuckle) Quiz for Doug...

D: OK, I have my "thinking touque" on.

B: Yeah, right.What are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? 'Cause, figure it

out, right?Christmas is when?

D: Um, the twenty-fifth...

B: Right.And, what's the twenty-fourth...Christmas Eve, right?So..

D: That's two

B: That's two.And, then what's after that? (pause) Boxing Day

D: Wrestling Day

B: Wrestl..get out!

D: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.

B: That's three.Then, what's after that?Nothin'!

D: New Year's!

B: Four and what's...

D: New Year's Eve?

B: That's five.Where do ya get twelve?

D: Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there;that's four.So, that's

nine.And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery" days.

(Music starts)

B: OK, this our Christmas song, just in case you don't know what to get

someone for Christmas.

D: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck! (organ

starts) By the way, that's ME on the organ.

B: Oh, geez.

D: You start...

B: OK...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

A beer.

D: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Two turtle-necks

B: And a beer.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Three French toast

D: Two turtle-necks

B: And a beer.

D: There should be more there, eh?

B: Where?Oh, go!

D: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Four pounds of back-bacon

B: Three French toast

D: Two turtle-necks

B: And a beer.

D: ...in a tree.See, you need more.

B: Oh..fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Five golden tooks,

D: Four pound of back-bacon

B: Three French toast

D: Two turtle necks

B: And a beer...where?

D: (with Bob) In a tree.

B: OK, on the sixth...oo, go!

D: ..Christmas, my true love gave to me,

C: Six...

D: Six packs of two-four

B & C: Five golden tooks

C: Four...

D: Four pounds of back-bacon

C: Three...

B: Three French toast

C: Two...

D: Two turtle-necks

C: And a beeeeeeeeer...

B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. OK.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Seven pack of smokes,

C: Nice gift!

D: Nice gift.Oh...six packs of two-four

B & C: Five golden tooks.

C: Four...

D: Four pounds of back-bacon

C: Three...

B: Three French toast

C: Two...

D: Two turtle-necks

C: And a beeeeeeeeer...

B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree.Keep forgetting.

D: Whew!This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas";it's too hard for

us!Go, hoser.

B & D: On the eighth day of Christmas, may true love gave to me,

D: Eight comic books

(Chorus repeats right behind them, though one behind)

B & D: Seven packs of smokes

Six pack of two-four

B: Five...

C: (catches up) Five golden tooks

Four pounds of back-bacon

Three French toast

Two turtle-necks

ALL: And a beer...

B & D: On my tree.

B: Yeah, that beer is empty.OK, day, um...

C: TWELVE!

B: Twelve!

D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve..

(Chorus starts up and Bob and Doug join in)

ALL: Five golden tooks

Four pounds of back-bacon,

Three French toast

Two turtle-necks

And a beer in a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

D: Where'd you learn to do that?

B: Um, albums.

D: So, like, that's our song.Merry Christmas...

B: Merry Christmas!

D: And good day!

B: Good day!Ha-happy New Year, too.

D: Shhh!

B: OK, you know what you left out?

D: What?

B: Donuts!

D: Oh, no!

B: I told you to get donuts.Either on the ninth day, or the tenth day or

the eleventh day, but I want donuts!

D: OK, the song's over!Merry Christmas, everybody!

B: ...or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a DOZEN donuts...

D: So,..go out to the stores and get some presents!

B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you buy a

dozen, you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the

"Thirteen Days of Christmas"!

D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain-saw!

B: Take off!

(As music fades:)

D: Boy, that song was a beauty.It...it moved me.

B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven".

D: What?