You can never see it

I keep it in a jar

You can not escape it

Not even in your car

It is not a mineral

Animal or plant

You will never find it

Don't try because you can't

Make it so it hurts your face

And touch it

Spank it 'till it stinks

And touch it, baby

It's weight doesn't matter

Neither does its size

If you look into it

It burns out your eyes

Do not breathe around it

Sniffle, sneeze or cough

If you were to touch it

Your skin would sizzle off

Make it so it hurts your face

And touch it

Spank it 'till it stinks

And touch it, baby

It's the mighty planet laser

The cause for every scream

It is better than anything you've got

'Cause it's made out of a laser beam

Now is when the horror will be truly felt and

The sick smell of death will soon be smelt

It is a laser beam

It will never be seen

And it's shit is far more

Flammable than gasoline

Make it so it hurts your face

And touch it

Spank it 'till it stinks

And touch it, baby

It is incapable of reasoning

This is the part where we sing

It's the Mighty Planet Laser

The cause for every scream

It is better then anything you've got

'Cause it's made out of a laser beam

Mighty Penis Laser (repeat)