GARY COLEMAN:

Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy.

NICKY:

I'll say.

GARY COLEMAN:

And when I see how sad you are

It sort of makes me...

Happy!

NICKY:

Happy?!

GARY COLEMAN:

Sorry, Nicky, human nature-

Nothing I can do!

It's...

Schadenfreude!

Making me feel glad that I'm not you.

NICKY:

Well that's not very nice, Gary!

GARY COLEMAN:

I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!

D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?

NICKY:

Yeah...

GARY COLEMAN:

And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?

NICKY:

Sure!

GARY COLEMAN:

And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy,

Watching people out in the rain!

NICKY:

You bet!

GARY COLEMAN:

That's...

GARY AND NICKY:

Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:

People taking pleasure in your pain!

NICKY:

Oh, Schadenfreude, huh?

What's that, some kinda Nazi word?

GARY COLEMAN:

Yup! It's German for "happiness at the misfortune of others!"

NICKY:

"Happiness at the misfortune of others." That is German!

Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken

GARY COLEMAN:

Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!

NICKY:

Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"

GARY AND NICKY:

"No!!!"

Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:

"Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"

NICKY:

Ooh, how about...

Straight-A students getting Bs?

GARY COLEMAN:

Exes getting STDs!

NICKY:

Waking doormen from their naps!

GARY COLEMAN:

Watching tourists reading maps!

NICKY:

Football players getting tackled!

GARY COLEMAN:

CEOs getting shac